today

today has been a good day work wise .we had an outage at work and got the task accomplished as they wanted.and in a timely manner. But in the back of my mind today had a certain melancholy feel to it .Mondays are hard with having to get up at 3:45 am to get ready and make the two and a half hour drive to work .I don't like having to be away from my family to make a living ,but it is what i have to do at this time.but on a somewhat somber note today marks the 29th year since my father passed from this life .People always talked about "closure" when concerning the loss of a loved one. But i am here to tell you as long as you have memories of the loved one there is no such thing as closure.you just learn to deal with it. the initial sting eases over time but its still there. I dislike the little makeshift roadside memorials you see along the highways .because it makes the people that knew that person think of their friend or loved ones tragic death. I like to have happy memories come up in my mind about friends and loved ones that have went on to their reward .not the place where their life was tragically snuffed out. so today for me is kind of like those makeshift memorials it reminds of what tragic end my father came too.so i tried to think of fun things me and him did together,wrestling around in the living room,fishing on occasion, making science project ,throwing football,baseball ect. i wish i had my dad with me now he would love my kids .my youngest is very sweet ,goofy ,but he can really be temperamental like my dad .my dad certainly wasn't a perfect man or a great role model.but he was a good guy all the same . all and all its been a good day .sure do wish you were here ....

in the dumps a little /bought a new grill

I try not to sound as old as i am ,but the other day i came to terms with the realization that i could expect some part,parts of my body to hurt at least some everyday .the pain free days of my youth are gone . i also have come to long for the days of playing music with people who were passionate about the music they made. even if they weren't the best at their instrument ,they still put heart and soul into it .I love to play with people that are better than i am because they force me to grow as a musician.Music is such a big part of my life ,my hands don't feel nearly as good as the did a few years ago .i still love playing but feel discouraged at the progress of my playing ,and when i do learn new stuff most of the time i get no chance to really perform it for anybody ,or play it with others .I hope i don't lose my passion as a musician against such dicouraging circumstances.I have had a really good weekend at the house . bought a new grill very happy we did . tilled up ground for my girl to plant flowers ,she did a great job ...

personality layers

you can not truly judge a person by just casual meeting you really have to be around someone for a period of time to really peal back the layers of a persons personality .and sometimes when you really get to know them .they are much different than you intially thought .sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way .i am very glad i didn't right off a guy i work with when we first met .he acted like a big jerk ,not really being rude .but just how he carried himself .he has now become a trusted and well thought of friend. another guy i work with is rather random ,and yes my brother used this mans treatment of him as a reason to drag up .i have found him rather amusing now ,having ate at his house and laughing at him till my throat hurt. so i try to get to know someone before i truly pass judgment on them .sometimes though once you know them you wish you didn't .lol

just saying

In light of recent events ,i sure hope and pray that those involved come to an amicable solution. me included . I hope that each one can get a grip and not try to read to much into each others actions or inaction whichever the case may be .I treat people with the respect i like to have shown to me .But if a person can't show respect then i cant respect them very long .Just saying =-)

i watched a video

i watched a video on the news the other morning of two reporters from reuters news ,that were killed by american soldiers .the video was taken from an appache heliocopter the one that ultimately killed the reporters as well as the other insurgents they were with .from the choppers vantage point the mens camera bags looked like weapons or something to carry weapons. but now that i set this up . while watching i focused on these guys, they were going about there normal activities talking to those around them .the whole group loosely walking down a street by some buildings .they had no clue that the soilders were getting permission to engage . thankfully they stopped the footage before all the fireworks . I am thankful the guys had no idea,that just a few seconds later their lives would be over. they didn't have to dread the inevitable .its appointed once for man to die .i hope they had faith in their hearts .i feel for the families they left behind .i hope they had good lives but i hope they have a better eternity . God bless